


Keep It Together

by drjamband



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Slash, Star Trek: Into Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 10:43:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drjamband/pseuds/drjamband
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jim dies once, he's not afraid to do so again, but his recklessness on a first contact mission leaves Spock angry and demanding an explanation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep It Together

Jim was not afraid to die.  That is, he wasn’t afraid to die before, so he sure as hell wasn’t afraid to die after he’d already done so.

Jim’s life in Iowa had never been what anyone would call “promising.”  Jim had genius-level intelligence, but had no one to encourage him or to stop him from making bad choices.  He fought constantly, drove recklessly, and drank freely.  If he were to die, well, how much worse than life in Riverside could it be?

That fearlessness was part of what made him a great captain.  It was also what drove him to Sickbay an average of three times a week.  But Jim just smiled through all of it like nothing could ever really hurt him.  And maybe nothing really could.  He’d made it this far, hadn’t he?  

So when he woke up after a most painful death, he _definitely_ was not afraid of dying.  He’d already done it once, and Jim was a pretty quick learner.

But despite actually having truly died, Jim felt invincible, like anything that went wrong would be negated by Bones’ medical skills.  So Jim became even more reckless.  It was the day McCoy was afraid of.

\-----------

The Enterprise was sent to make contact with the inhabitants of Kweelo XI, who were known to be short-tempered and physical.  Jim, of course, was on the team that would beam down, considering he was the captain.  Spock, as first officer, would beam down as well.

They had been on the planet for approximately five seconds before the Kweelonian royal bodyguards jumped on Jim, snatching his phaser and firing it, stunning him for a number of minutes.

When he was able to stand, Jim curled his lip and wiped the blood from his face.  “Cheater,” he spat at the bodyguard.  “I thought the Kweelonians had no need for weapons.  Thought you were all about the physical.”

“Captain, I do not---,” Spock started, but got no further as two more guards wrestled Jim to the ground.  Their heavy, meaty fists slapped his face, while sharp, bony knees dug into his stomach.  The bodyguard still in possession of Jim’s phaser aimed it at the captain’s head, and Spock pounced, tackling him to the ground as the other two continued to abuse Jim.  Spock managed to kick his assailant away long enough to open his communicator.  “Mr. Scott,” he managed.

“On it!” Scotty replied, beaming them both up hastily.

\-----------

McCoy was on hand at the transporter pad to drag Jim to Sickbay, Spock following right behind.  “It’s nothing too bad.  Just two broken ribs and some bruising,” McCoy said once Jim was sedated.

When Spock gave no indication of replying, McCoy turned and began to make his way to his office.  “They almost shot him,” Spock said.

“What?”

“The first attacker managed to steal the captain’s phaser and shoot him in the stomach with it.  However, he aimed again for the captain’s head.  I was able to intervene in time, and though the phaser was only on stun, it would have grievously injured the captain.”

McCoy blinked, not knowing what to say.  He finally settled on, “Well, uh, well done then, Spock.  I’ll be sure to tell Jim to thank you when he wakes up.”

“That will not be necessary, doctor.”  McCoy only nodded awkwardly before finally making it to his office.

\-----------

Jim woke four hours later, smiling at his first officer.  “Hey, Spo---.”

“Silence,” Spock interrupted.  He closed his eyes, trying to find a place to start.  “Do you understand what could have happened to you had the Kweelonians shot you in the head?” he asked.  “You would have suffered severe brain damage, possibly even died.  Does that not concern you?”

Jim shook his head.  “Not really.”

“Why does self-preservation hold no interest for you, captain?”

Jim shrugged.  “It’s not like I _want_ to die.  It’s just, well, I’ve already done it once.  Kind of loses its mystery, you know?  Not scary anymore.”

“So you would risk your life out of a lack of concern for your own well-being?”

“If it’s gonna help someone else, then yeah.”

“And who were you helping on the planet this afternoon by antagonizing three royal bodyguards?”

“Um, well, no one, I guess---.”

“No one,” Spock cut in.  “You acted in an entirely selfish manner.  Your job as captain is, among other things, to protect your crew and your ship.  Sacrificing yourself in a blatantly reckless attempt at goading the Kweelonians into a physical altercation is not the way to do so.”

“Yeah?  Well as my first officer you’re supposed to protect me.”

“Which I did.”

“Dammit, Spock, I’m not talking about today!”  Silence followed Jim’s outburst, punctuated only by the latter’s heavy breathing.

“What are you talking about, Captain?”

“I don’t know,” Jim whispered.

Spock’s only response was a raised eyebrow.  Then he understood.  “You are speaking of the warp core chamber,” he stated.  Jim nodded.  “You think...you think I wished to see you die?”

“No!  No, of course not.”

“What then?” Spock demanded.

Jim clenched his teeth in frustration.  “You keep acting like it’s not worth it for me to put myself in danger!  You’re acting like my sacrifice meant nothing to you!”

“It meant _everything_ to me!” Spock yelled back before he could stop himself.  Jim’s head snapped up.  “Your death was one of the biggest losses I have ever felt.  Never say that I did not take it seriously, or that I thought it was a waste.  I would not dare to make such an accusation.”  He swallowed around Jim’s silence.  “I never wish to go through that experience again, but you are making that circumstance a very real possibility.”

Jim hung his head again.  “I’m sorry, Spock.  I never wanted to hurt you.  It’s just...I didn’t think I mattered that much.”

Spock took a deep breath to restrain himself from slapping Jim hard across the face.  “Never say that,” he hissed.  “Never say those words again.  I will not tolerate it.”

“Spock?”

Spock took two steps towards Jim and pushed his hand to Jim’s face.  Jim gasped as blurred shapes formed images in his mind.

_Spock screaming as Jim slumped against the wall.  His chase through San Francisco and his fight with Khan.  His absolute, blinding rage and grief as he sought to take Khan’s life even though it wouldn’t bring back Jim.  Uhura screaming for Spock’s attention and Spock’s utter hatred, his desire to finish his task uninterrupted._

_His realization that Uhura was saying something: “He’s our only chance to save Kirk!”_

_Breath being pulled from his lungs at the mention of Jim’s name.  Anything, anything, anything for Jim._

_And, finally, Jim’s eyes opening and settling on Spock’s.  “You saved my life.”_

Spock pulled his fingers away from Jim’s face, and Jim sucked in a breath he felt like he’d forgotten to take.  Spock struggled as well, his chest slightly heaving as he took a step or two back.  “You see what I went through, Jim.  What we all went through.  Do not make it all for nothing.”

Before Jim could respond, he was gone.

 

 


End file.
